Ashley Huizenga on Sex, Starvation, and Art
On deciding not to be a professional athlete:
My dad trained me really hard. He wanted me to go to college for running. There were girls peeing their pants during our races. Then I got boobs. I didn't want to run professionally. I wanted to take art all the way.
I'm over 21 but I'm waiting for my manager to tell me how old I am. I was raised by old men in the woods. Ageism against women is annoying.
On Mae West:
Mae west lied about her age. She wrote plays abut everything -- homosexuality, prostitution... She got arrested. She wrote all her own scripts but they censored them so all her lines had to be innuendo. "It's not the men in my life it's the life in my men." Her plays were so sexual the police would come and arrest the entire cast. There's no record of it. She just made notes on napkins.
On modelling nude for Playboy:
My mom never got fully nude, which I think is kind of sad. I've seen her nude so many times. It's not that big of a deal. Especially if they're gonna retouch you and have nice lighting. Why not?
On her academic career:
I got in trouble a lot.
On her childhood:
I was a really sexual child.
On her teenage years:
They called me "chicken legs" and "spider". I didn't get boobs until my senior year. I didn't get my period until my senior year. I remember going to the mall and mothers would be like "That's what anorexia does to you" but I didn't even know what that was. I had braces. I was so embarrassed.
On David Bowie:
I didn't like boys -- only David Bowie. I had a Labyrinth party. The theme was a drinking game, I didn't know what that meant. I just found it online. No parents let their kids come so only one girl showed up who didn't even know it was a party. The game was you take a shot -- of water -- every time Sarah says crystal ball. The loser was the one who had to pee first.
On her first masturbation:
First time I masturbated was to David Bowie in Labyrinth.
On puberty and excitement:
I think there's a weird line where you're supposed to become an adult and you don't want it. I felt the most sexual when I was a child. All I thought of was touching and seeing peoples' bodies. Not in a gross way. I used to climb up a tree and let the dogs attack me. We'd get the Dobermans excited then run to the jacaranda tree before they bit us.
Everything is related to sex. The rules are always related to sex, against sex. Rules about movies, rules about society, the law, the side-saddle. They're trying to keep life in check and control nature. Control the female. It goes back to the rib. Too much emotion and too much power.
Homosexuality has always been there. Why does it have to be so singular? The media doesn't know how to represent love or homosexuality. I have never had a gay friend that acted like any gay character on TV.
Gays are really important in a relationship. Having gay friends makes a straight couple closer. Gay men can love a woman but they can't get a hard on. It's a different kind of love. Pure and interesting, and male. I've blushed with my gay friends. I'm not a fag hag. But we feel something special, something that almost makes us feel like we're going against our true selves.
On having sex:
When I'm having sex with someone it's totally different then when I'm hanging out with them. I don't feel like it's the same person. I'm thinking that I'm having sex -- it's everything. I'm not thinking about anyone. It's just that. When people say it's love they're associating happiness with love -- people should feel love but when they say 'love love love' they're not understanding what it means.
On Oscar Wilde:
Oscar Wilde loved his wife.
On dangerous affairs:
I've been the rebound. I've been the other woman -- I didn't even know until there was this crazy girl running after me.
I accidentally put someone in the hospital while making out. I jokingly threw this guy off me and he landed on a shot glass and cut the main thumb vein open. There was blood everywhere. We went to the emergency room. He had his arm in a sling that made him have a thumbs up for 3 months.
On old ideas:
Never go back.