Henry Rollins: The Column! Zombie Attack

By Henry Rollins Thu., Jun. 21 2012 at 4:30 AM

[Look for your weekly fix from the one and only Henry Rollins right here on West Coast Sound every Thursday, and come back tomorrow for the awesomely annotated playlist for his Saturday KCRW broadcast.]

Have you heard? Real live flesh-eating zombie freaks are on the attack! In Florida, a man named Rudy Eugene attacks and eats Ronald Poppo's face before policemen shoot Rudy the zombie to death. (Bullets work ... for now.) Again in Florida, Brandon De Leon is arrested and thrown in the back of a police car as he screams, "I'm going to eat you!" Other incidents include violent acts directed at law enforcement and relatives (Pamela Suzanne Higgins, wielding a machete, comes at her mother, asking, "You ain't dead yet?"). Mark Thompson, meanwhile, reportedly was found in his home, pants down, wearing women's lingerie (on to victory!) with a pygmy goat he had stolen and stabbed to death.

Apparently, all this rowdy patriotism, and acts of "oral aggression," as it's being called, are from ingesting "bath salts." What is this stuff? Why can't Americans just get high on phencyclidine (PCP) like they did last summer and just strip naked and laugh hysterically with lungs full of pepper spray and muscles twitching from multiple Taser jolts?

Bath salts, the drug, or versions thereof, have nothing to do with a bathing additive. From what I have been able to understand, this stuff, methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV) has similarities to methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA), otherwise known as Ecstasy -- a DEA Schedule 1 controlled substance. MDPV is a synthetic drug being made all over North America and sold to people looking for something a little different.

I know some of you would like to blame the president for this. Perhaps Pat Robertson, never afraid of finding causal links in the strangest of places, will be able to bind these drugged-out zombies to the president coming out in favor of same-sex marriage. Memo to Westboro Baptist's Phelps family: Does God hate zombies?

But seriously, folks, one of the worst upsides of bath salts is they supposedly don't show up in drug tests, so people who normally would be unable to avoid detection take them -- like members of the military.

I think my first experience with zombies (insert joke about going to see Aerosmith on the Toys in the Attic tour) was when I watched the George Romero classic Night of the Living Dead. I went alone and walked back to my mother's apartment afterwards, wondering if something like that could really happen. Well, now I know.

Tags:

bath salts, Henry Rollins, zombies

We Recommend

Ben Perry

Always love to see new output from Rollins, but this article is slightly grating--especially coming from a music nerd like Rollins who should know better. Is he honestly surprised to find "intelligent, articulate and friendly" people making death metal? As if the genre is so different than punk rock? Or in any other heavy music for that matter? And the face paint you find in black metal, not death metal. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself--had to point that out.)

Jinxed

I'm so glad you write your column. You cover a lot of ground and write really well. You make a great point about not only our nostalgia for the old days being a quest for immortality - the immortality of our youth, perhaps? And oh, yes, the zombie listeners of Clear Channel's 10 tunes. Arg. A never ending battle against conformity and boredom....

spirit cherokee

I too can't figure out why people use drugs either, I've been told a few times, " Hey, you don't know what your missing", In my opinion there are only a few things in this life time worth repeating daily, and drugs isn't one of them. I seek a different kind of high/ or enjoyment on music and working out. Paul, going to find this song now, Thank You. I'm very curious now. Jennie, I didn't know what bath salts were either, I figure this much that it wasn't any thing good and it made people crazy enough to allow stupidity to take over. However, I enjoy your version better. If I was going to get eaten alive,I like that they have nice breath. I prefer lavender. I guess that makes me a dork too so here to soaking in real bath salts and enjoying the music.

Jennie Vasquez

I'll check it out. I can never figure out why people feel the need to use drugs and alcohol either. Like has been mentioned, music is a natural high and for me running and listening to music creates a great natural high. It gets me in a zone.

Jennie Vasquez

I'm such a dork, I thought they were actually bath salts. Shows how much I know about drugs. So what's this Mary Jane stuff I hear people talking about?

Paul Sivertsen

It never fails to astonish me the lengths to which some people will go to avoid the bullshit of their own reality. It gets overwhelming when they're people who are close to you. I've never understood why such people couldn't resort to music for a more natural high. Case in point: earlier today, I was listening to the Sucker Punch edit of Björk's epic Army of Me track (the Sucker Punch edit features Skunk Anansie), and there's a part in the middle (3:08, specifically) when the music cuts out and Skin takes a deep breath and screams "EXHAUSTED," in her inimitable way. Oh. my. FUCK! I get such intense chills every time! What a voice! That high right there is an all natural, healthy, and free one. Hard to beat that, in my opinion. Not sure if you ever see these comments, Henry, but if you do, you should definitely check that out. Shit, anyone actually reading this should look it up.

Paul Sivertsen

Hehe, they aren't actual bath salts, Jennie. "Bath salts," is just an innocuous nickname given to the potentially lethal concoctions. They're also called "herbal incense," & "plant food," among others. They're not illegal yet, but then again, it's not like being illegal has prevented drugs from being made, distributed and consumed by people all over the world for millennia.

Jennie Vasquez

This whole theme reminds me of a police sergeant I used to know when I was a records girl in a previous life. During stressful situations which was always for him as he stressed over everything, right at his breaking point he would say they can kill me but they can't eat me and then he would relax. It was a twist on the saying by Dawn Steel that they could kill you but they can't eat you. He used to say there were specific laws that you could not kill someone but that there were no specific laws about eating people. I have no idea if that is true but I use the saying as my mantra whenever I'm stressed out. I'm always curious as how people found out bath salts get you high. Did they spill some during a bath and inhale it by accident? Do some people snort or ingest everything to see what happens? Odd but on the plus side if I ever have my face eaten by a bath salt zombie at least their breath will smell nice like lavender, summer breeze, mountain air, or perhaps vanilla bean.

spirit cherokee

I'm glad I'm not one of those who point a finger and blames any one for why I'm totally f*cked up or why this world is. If I did... I go with Pat Robertson and my mother. Possible they too had their own form of " bath salts" to make them totally out there. Never one who got into horror movies, zombies, or vampires,I liked to keep it a bit more real, for jaws really messed me up. I do visit my happy music place quite often, regularly a matter of fact. right now as I read Henry's article. Yes, it was a happy time, only time, maybe ? Thats why I keep going back and back like an old lover, or new lover? Can't make up my mind. I do too have rules, I have to find new music to play/ listen too or even learn about when my old past isn't kicking me in the head or heart. This is why I read and listen to Henry for your always guarantee to learn or hear something new on any subject, mostly music. Every article, radio show I walk away with a new list to research during my long zombie week.{Keeping with the theme} By time Thursday rolls around and it"s Saturday night again, I got new Cd's on it way and I begin once again. You can say it" Hell Henry's doing all the work for you you lazy fool." True, true he is, or not, He writes the column and I'm simply reading and listen to this great music, not all my fault he peeked my curiosity . Gee, am I pointing my finger again? I see it as free information or saving my ass from the past and enlightening me to a better tomorrow. Better then drugs, and eating faces. I suppose.