National Anthem Renditions So Bad, You'll Want to Renounce Your Citizenship
Even if you love this country -- and boy do we love this country! -- there are times it makes you question your long-term commitment.
When some crazy asshole shot Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and took out five of her constituents at a Safeway in Tucson, we wondered what had become of the country we loved. When the police beat the snot out of a homeless man in Fullerton, we shook our heads in horror. And when LMFAO began topping the charts, well, we really started to wonder what we were doing here.
But there's nothing that makes us weigh renouncing our American citizenship quite so quickly as a badly botched National Anthem. Here are the five most cringe-inducing.
5. Michael Bolton
Bolton really has no excuse: Dude is a singer, and, we must grudgingly admit, a good one -- even if we'd rather catch diptheria than hear "Said I Loved You ... But I Lied" one more fucking time.
So that's why this is so maddening. Scribbling the lyrics on your hand is something akin to cheating on a test. If he was so worried he was going to forget the words, why not just prepare?
Witness this video from the 2011 Super Bowl, which can't be embedded but shows how we might like to put this genie back in the bottle. Between the over-the-top vibrato that she's spent the last five years indulging in, her more recent refusal to wear pants, and the screwed-up lyric, Christina Aguilera really has become a bonafide American shitshow. It's hard to imagine anything north of the border matching this tastelessness.