Screw Everyone Who Got Into the Green Day Show at the Echoplex Last Night
9:45 AM -- We arrive at Village Bakery, consume coffee and "Fightin' Cake" (shut up, it's delicious)
9:46 AM -- The Internet informs us that tickets for Green Day's semi-secret last minute show at the Echoplex in support of their upcoming triple album go on sale via Ticketfly in fourteen minutes.
9:51 AM -- Freak out. Finish Fightin' Cake. Log into Ticketfly.
9:54 AM -- Refresh page furiously.
9:59 AM -- Continue to page-refresh furiously (Like Usain Bolt, but y'know, with fingers)
10:00:17 -- Sold the fuck out.
Shit. Now what?
Us: Hey Ben, do you really want a review of a semi-secret last minute Green Day show at the Echoplex in support of their upcoming triple album?
Us: You sure?
Clearly we've been screwed by a mathematical error of astronomical proportions. Time Warner's bandwidth vs. the earth's rotation, and the gravity offset by Mars Observer, or some shit that looks like this:
Us: Hi, Echoplex Booking?
Echoplex Booking: Yes?
Us: Hi, L.A. Weekly here. We would like one ticket to Green Day tonight, please.
Echoplex Booking: The band specifically doesn't want media, just fans.
Us: Um, but, uh, L.A. Weekly?
Echoplex Booking: No.
Us: Pretty Please?
Echoplex Booking: [Dial tone]
Ok. No sweat. We're young and hip. We know how Craigslist works.
Or do we?
Ok. Fine. Time to go old school. Scalping. This is nothing a little shoe leather and a crisp $100 bill can't solve.