Burning Man: Guess How Many Times Some Rando Creeper Told Me He 'Loved My Energy' While Rubbing My Hand?
See also:
MichaelOlsen/ZorkMagazine Tequila, anyone?
*15 Burning Man GIFs That'll Make You Wanna Go Next Year
*Genital Portrait Studio: The Five Silliest Burning Man Camp Names
Most local RV rental spots have a "Burning Man clause" in their contracts, which is how I found myself, along with a bag of bike tubes, coconut water and some of the more flamboyant items of clothing that I own, out in Norco covering every interior surface of a Fleetwood Jamboree with protective plastic wrap. But on my Burning Man adventure I otherwise had a magnificently epic time; here's the run-down of my trip by the numbers. Well, approximate numbers, really, because some of the details are fuzzy.
Approximate Number of Hours it Took To Drive the 552 Miles From Norco to Black Rock City: 24
Approximate Number of Hours I Spent Sleeping During Said Trip: 12 probably more
Approximate Number of Times I Hit My Head on Various Cupboards in the RV: So many fucking times
Approximate Number of Random Places I Woke Up at While on the Road: 5 (Including: a gas station outside of Independence, CA to buy a pint of Cherry Garcia in the middle of the night, Mono Lake, and a roadside trading post in Gerlach ["Wake up Katie you HAVE to buy some GOGGLES"]) 
Brittany Nelson Displaying an impressive ability to fall asleep anywhere.
Approximate Number of Times My Limited Knowledge of the German Language Gained Me Entrance Onto an Art Car Shaped Like a Giant Volkswagen Beetle: 1 ("bitte sei lieb zu mir!")
Approximate Number of Times I Had a Melted Twix Bar and Sierra Nevada for Breakfast: 1
Approximate Number of Hands that Scrubbed My Naked Body When I Bathed at the Human Carcass Wash (Located at the Polyamorous Camp, Natch): 30, all of which were attached to naked bodies. And it felt awesome.
Approximate Number of Amps Danced On Top of at Fractal Nation: 3
Leah Santa Cruz Guess which one is the creeper?
Approximate Number of Times Some Rando Creeper Told He 'Loved My Energy' While Rubbing My Hand: 15, at least
Approximate Number of Times a Man Old Enough to Be my Grandfather Asked If I Wanted to Drink Tequila and Roam the Playa Together: 2 (same old guy both times, and I briefly considered it)
Approximate Number of Times Caught in a White Out Dust Storm While Riding My Bike on the Playa After Midnight: 1 ridiculously intense time
Approximate Number of Gaslamp Killer Shows Seen: Fucking zero (because of said dust storm)
Barry J. Holmes The mid-dust storm biking experience was absolutely nothing like this, except for the bike.
Approximate Number of Times More Experienced Burners Lectured Me On "How this thing used to be WAY more wild": 5
Approximate Number of Times a Total Stranger Wiped Snot Off My Face With His Sleeve and Held Me While I Broke Down Weeping at the Temple: 1
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