Frank Sinatra's "The Lady Is a Tramp": Why This Song Sucks

[Editor's note: Why This Song Sucks determines why particular tracks blow using science. It appears on West Coast Sound every Wednesday.]

Song: Frank Sinatra, "The Lady Is A Tramp"

History: Apparently "The Lady Is A Tramp" comes from a '30s musical*. Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga recorded their own version of it in 2011. And there have been about 1,000 others. But Sinatra's is the best, obvs.**

*Keep in mind I sometimes go on Wikipedia for information. In fact, there have been at least a few e-aggressive nights where I've gone in and changed pages to say that this person or that person died from "Too much farting." Wikipedia isn't God's law, is all I'm saying.

Lo siento, Selena. --Shea

Atmospherics: Lily-fingered enough to make you forget that around the time of this there were millions of people who weren't allowed to eat or drink in public establishments. Good 'ol racism.

Analysis: An easy one. "The Lady Is A Tramp" is supposed to be satire, a jab in the arm of elitist elites. (Sinatra is for the people!) What it ends up being, however, is an unfair, backwards-thinking pulverizer of women's rights. To wit, the whole "tramp" thing, via FreeDictionary.com:

Tramp: n. 1. A prostitute; a woman regarded as promiscuous.

Okay, wait. I just did some more research on the song and realize now that he doesn't mean prostitute when he says "tramp." Turns out he means "unrefined" or "hobo" or something. But for a long time I had no idea. Which made these song lyrics super confusing:

"She gets too hungry for dinner at eight."

"She loves the theater and never comes late."

Sinatra: So your girl, you're saying she loves the theater?
Guy: Yes.
Sinatra: And that she likes to get there on time?
Guy: Yes.
Sinatra: ...Then she's definitely giving blowjobs in an alley for a handful of dirty money right now.
Guy: Got it. Thanks. ...Wait, what?

"She never bothers with people she hates."

Dude.