Justin Timberlake's "Suit & Tie": Why This Song Sucks
There is a steady rise in the coolness of someone wearing a suit and tie from baby age (more cute than cool) to precisely 26-years-and-203-days-old. (Coincidentally, that just happens to be the exact age Jay-Z was when Reasonable Doubt was released. He's on the cover wearing a suit and tie in what might be the coolest manner of all-time.) After 26-years-and-203-days-old there is a rapid decline in how cool someone is while wearing a suit and tie. It doesn't pick back up until one is 75.
I'm saying, HAVE YOU EVER EVEN SEEN AN OLD MAN IN A SUIT AND TIE? That shit is unstoppable.
Timberlake, 31 years old, and Jay-Z, 63, fall into the dead zone. This song gets dragged along into it too.
I. Every male has looked at his own balls in the mirror before. None of them have ever liked what they saw.
II. Wouldn't it be cool if Justin Timberlake's middle name were Dustin? But it isn't. It's Randall.
III. Timberlake is uncommonly charming. I mean, just look at him.
IV. Were you to extend the graph from the Science of Suit & Ties Institute of Cambridge you'd see that another drop off happens whenever someone dies. Dead people don't look cool in suits. Dead people don't look cool in anything. Or, I guess unless they become zombies. I'd imagine a zombie in a suit is kind of charming.