Justin Timberlake's 'Suit & Tie': Why This Song Sucks

Justin Timberlake's "Suit & Tie": Why This Song Sucks

By Shea Serrano Wed., Jan. 23 2013 at 4:00 AM

It's very clear.

There is a steady rise in the coolness of someone wearing a suit and tie from baby age (more cute than cool) to precisely 26-years-and-203-days-old. (Coincidentally, that just happens to be the exact age Jay-Z was when Reasonable Doubt was released. He's on the cover wearing a suit and tie in what might be the coolest manner of all-time.) After 26-years-and-203-days-old there is a rapid decline in how cool someone is while wearing a suit and tie. It doesn't pick back up until one is 75.

I'm saying, HAVE YOU EVER EVEN SEEN AN OLD MAN IN A SUIT AND TIE? That shit is unstoppable.

Timberlake, 31 years old, and Jay-Z, 63, fall into the dead zone. This song gets dragged along into it too.

Conclusions:

I. Every male has looked at his own balls in the mirror before. None of them have ever liked what they saw.
II. Wouldn't it be cool if Justin Timberlake's middle name were Dustin? But it isn't. It's Randall.
III. Timberlake is uncommonly charming. I mean, just look at him.
IV. Were you to extend the graph from the Science of Suit & Ties Institute of Cambridge you'd see that another drop off happens whenever someone dies. Dead people don't look cool in suits. Dead people don't look cool in anything. Or, I guess unless they become zombies. I'd imagine a zombie in a suit is kind of charming.

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mkilikerealmusic

this is stupid. stop writing and get a real job

mkilikerealmusic

this is stupid. stop writing and get a real job

antinetcentral

TImberlake is trying to pretend he's Michael Buble now, and he doesn't have one tenth the voice, or the technical chops, so that's pretty much the end of the argument. I've thought Timberlake could dance at times, its obvious he studied Michael Jackson to the nth degree. Fine, but he has NO VOICE. You can't bring off that high pseudo-falsetto stuff unless you are really super talented, and let's face it, most of the best soul singers are black. Whites can do well in other genres, but Sinatra and Buble pretty much are it. Harry Connick Jr got laughed out of his career for sucking, and I actually think he's a better singer than JT, though the latter has more electricity.

Sorry, JT, you were a good mousesketeer, and boy band leader, but you lost you chance to get any rough edges by growing up rich and famous, and your voice is bad, and that's it. You're done. And no, you're not that good an actor either, and neither is your wife. Just go make some good-looking kids, and hope they do well in showbiz and get off the airwaves.

youcantsingforshit

@antinetcentral Are you kidding me?? Saying that Michael Buble has a voice that's TEN TIMES better?? I can't take anything else you say seriously, since you're apparently uneducated, ignorant, and dimwitted....not to mention hard of hearing.

Seriously. He does have a good voice. And by saying that "whites can do well in other genres, but Sinatra and Buble are pretty much it"....well, sounds like you have a reeeeeally limited appreciation for music.

Also, people change. He's not *trying* to be some hard ass, New Orleans-sounding bluesy guy. His vocal range is what it is. And it sounds good, actually. Fine if one doesn't like that sound, or thinness of voice. But to go on with the personal crap just sounds like you've got some kind of issues with him.