Listening To Drake's "Started From The Bottom" 35 Times In A Row Until The Universe Reveals Itself
No luck. Fuck. I mean, is this even life if a man can't come from a long day's work to a bunch of koala bears climbing on his furniture and being adorable and whatnot? This is Obama's America.
p.s. We're I to actually find a koala bear, I'd lay the over/under on it's lifespan at, say, four days. I'm still pretty amazed none of my children have died yet.
p.p.s. If you're with your friends, it's funny to make a joke about how when your baby starts crying you just place it inside of the nearest receptacle. It is considerably less funny if you do so in front of people that you only know tangentially. Just respond, "I'm good," when someone asks you how you're doing, is what I'm saying.
p.p.p.s. I can feel my brain unraveling. It's trying to work it's way out of my nose holes and eyeball holes. This experiment has potentially gone awry.
p.p.p.p.s. Nose hole and eyeball holes? WTF
p.p.p.p.p.s. True story: There used to be a pet store about 35 minutes from my house that sold all sorts of things they probably weren't supposed to be selling. I bought a dwarf caiman from them for $135 because I thought it was a good idea. (A dwarf caiman is basically a tiny crocodile, except "tiny" still means it grows to up to five feet long, which is plenty enough to kill you, turns out.) It wasn't. I had it for, like, maybe three days. And those three days were pretty cool, for sure. But when I tried to clean his cage he totes snapped at my hand. I yanked it back ultra quick. Then I felt a sting. I looked at my fingers and one of them (pinky, I think) was sliced open and bleeding pretty heavily. I was like, "Dude, Tupac-odile Dundee [of course his name was Tupac-odile Dundee], you gotta move out." That shit was not the move.
Is this song still playing? Am I a part of it??? Have we fused together? Drake is driving a very foreign car down my spine and he is definitely wearing Nike gloves while doing so.
Listenings: 30 through Kansas
aljkdfhasjkldh lad;aihdkl jadhljka ldjkfahluehlauebnaluie
IS "I WEAR EVERY SINGLE CHAIN, EVEN WHEN I'M IN MY HOUSE" THE GREATEST LYRIC EVER WRITTEN?
IS THERE A GOD?
IS THERE A DOG?
IS GOD A DOG?
IS MY DOG GOD?
IS SNOOP A DOG?
is snoop god?
is drake jesus, but is drake also michael jordan?
WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTT IIIIIIIIISSS HHHHAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPEEEEEENNNNNNIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGG?
Listenings: Thirty-two through thirty-four
We are everything.
I can sense the SoundCloud time keeper moving forward. I can feel vibrations. Music is somewhere. But I cannot hear anything, I can only hear EVERYTHING. I cannot see anything, I can only see EVERYTHING. It is perfectly white, but it is also perfectly black.
This is it. This is IT.
We are here. Oh my word, we're here. We are at the precipice of what I'm confident will age to be the most monumental intellectual happening of the modern era. They will talk about this the way they've talked about nothing else. This will shift the trade winds and stall the ocean currents. The moon will cease to reflect light from the sun anymore. Humans will age in reverse. The Wire will return for a sixth season. This is all of everything of anything of something of nothing of something of anything of everything. This is all of the time, always.
Started from the bottom, now we here. The 35th listen; unending insight; bottomless knowledge; infinite jest.
...this can't be...
...is this happeni--
...it is, it's happeni--