An Online Rave?! We Party All Day, At Home, By Ourselves.

1:00pm: The set ends and everyone clears the room. But where do they go? Is there a bar in the lobby or something somewhere that we're not aware of? An alternate chat room? WHERE HAVE THE COOL KIDS GONE? They're probably sharing all the good drugs.

1:15pm: The Cataracs out of Berkeley start their set. It's good! We're totally tapping our feet right now and dancing for real every time we get up to grab a glass of water. As with any festival scenario like this, hydration is essential. Safety first.

1:25pm: Our speakers, however, are clearly not rave-grade.

1:30pm: "How old is everyone?" we type in the chatroom, trying to get a read on the crowd. The median age here is about 20. We are a predator.

2pm: Oh God. The doorbell is ringing. We're definitely not expecting anyone. Yikes. Turns out it's two high school aged girls raising money for their drama club trip to London. This is not humiliating or anything. They look at us like we're a lunatic, what with the tutu and the music. We give them some money, mostly because we feel like a total creep.

2:15pm: We have to leave to go to the bank and the post office. We ditch the tutu but wear the Spirithood out into the world and people fucking love it. Fact: Spirithoods make people really happy.

See also: "What My SpiritHood Means To Me": Coachella-Goers Explain

3:30pm: Okay, home. Tutu is back on, and we're ready to take this thing to the next level. We don't have any drugs so we take a shot of whiskey, eat some candy hearts and occasionally fist pump.

4:00pm: If it were a real event, like an IRL event face-to-face human connection type event, it would definitely be held at Avalon.

4:30pm: Our mom Skypes to say happy V-Day and looks both concerned and amused when we show up on her screen looking like a 16-year-old deep into her first EDC. "As long you're having fun, honey," she says. And we are. We are sort of having fun.

5:00pm: DotEXE comes out strong with a load of dubstep.

5:18pm: There are currently 283 people in the room. "Is this real life," asks someone in the chat named RaveTrax, and the question strikes us as somewhat profound. Yes? Sort of? We don't know. The future of raving is confusing.

5:30pm: We take another shot of whiskey as Dotexe drops a sample of Blink 182's "First Date" and the crowd goes wild, which basically means that there's a lot of action in the chat room. Lots of "eearrgasm!!!!" and "MAKE SOME NOISE!"

It's just not the same though. Honestly guys, online raving is kind of lonely.