Listening to Four Hours of Dubstep While Reading 50 Shades of Grey Was a Terrible Idea
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6:43 pm: Ana says her senses are in disarray. She must have popped a molly.
7:00 pm: She says there's an "electrical attraction" to Christian. DMT, maybe?
7:08 pm: Is the track skipping, or is that just part of the song?
7:31 pm: So now it's the part where Christian and Ana finally arrive at the penthouse and he makes her sign a contract that requires her not to kiss and tell.
7:35 pm: Holy shit. Christian just took Ana into his "play room," which is a massive sex room with whips, chains and all that kind of stuff. He's probably got this CD in there, because it also is torture.
7:48 pm: The bed-creaking sound made by electronic drums and synthesizer adds to the romance. Will Christian make love to her tonight? No, apparently, because: "I don't make love, I fuck...hard," he notes. Bwahahahahahahaha.
7:59 pm: Oh shit. The bass is building and Ana just admitted that she's a virgin!
8:05 pm: As the bass dropped, so did her panties. Success!
8:15 pm: Ana and Christian's first sexcapade is over, and so is the third disc. COINCIDENCE?
Post-script: When the music stopped, we immediately fell to the floor in a sweaty heap, where we remained for 16 hours. We have yet to finish the book.
Follow us on Twitter @LAWeeklyMusic, Mary Carreon @MaryKayyy and like us at LAWeeklyMusic.
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