Here Are All 80 Horrible Similes on Lil Wayne's I Am Not a Human Being II
Lil Wayne has just released his tenth studio album, I Am Not a Human Being II. Nowadays he sometimes feels like an old man playing catch-up in a style he practically invented. Whereas as recently as 2007 we were getting vivid gems like "I'm so motherfuckin' high, I could eat a star," now we're just getting whatever lazy nonsense wanders into his addled brain (like, "'Cause when it Waynes it pours").
Metaphors and similes have always been a valuable tool for anyone writing poetry, rappers included. But Wayne's style allowed for looser association, and as he's steadily run out of things to say, that's where you can see the deterioration of his creativity most obviously. Here, then, are all 80 similes from the new album, only five of which come from guest artists. Hashtag similes don't count. Let's do this.
1. Medicine, I treat it like peppermints.
2. I be grindin' on them hoes like a half pipe.
3. Then I make her take this dick like advice.
4. I stick it in her ass like some fucking steroids.
5. Like a white boy wearing black paint, you're a fake ass nigga.
6. Runnin' this shit like a faucet.
7. I can make ya bitch root for me like I grew her.
8. A billion bitches on my dick like a skewer.
9. I got her over here blowing me like coffee.
10. Bitches sweatin' me like John Mayer, or warm air.
Curtains ft. Boo
11. I'm getting cake like I'm Jewish.
12. Your bitch ride me like a go kart.
13. I play that pussy like Mozart.
14. I get Adam like Yolonda.
15. She gone ride this dick like the Kentucky-Derby.
16. Game tight like virgins. [Boo]
17. Ain't got no worries like Tunechi. [Boo]
Days and Days ft. 2 Chainz
18. I milk this shit like cattle.
19. That's my word like Scrabble.
20. I'm on them trees like candy canes.
21. I pop a nigga like a 'cycle.
22. [I] drop a nigga like a missile.
Gunwalk ft. Gudda Gudda
23. Cause I'll pull the trigger like teeth.
24. I pull your card like a lawn mower. [Note: We think he means "cord"]