Verdi vs. Wagner

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the main event of 19th-century opera! In this corner, sporting facial hair resembling a terrier, composer of 26 operas, the man from Milan, the Italian Stallion, Giuuuuuuseppe Veeeeerdiiiiiii. Over here, rockin' the neck beard, the composer of 13 operas, the bad boy from Bayreuth, the Teutonic Terror, Richard Wagnerrrrrrrr.

Dr. Feelgood

Every couple of years, garage rock rears its head again, whack-a-mole-style. Garage per se isn't the problem, but rather kitschy blues rock. Hello Black Keys! On the other hand, there's pub rock, a key component of British proto-punk. British R&B made even more rough, grimy and dangerous, it includes bands like Ducks Deluxe, Dr. Feelgood and The Count Bishops.

They forged the network of clubs and pubs that later made punk possible, while also providing a template for the attitude. Before The Sex Pistols, The Adverts and The Damned, the British pub rock scene boasted raunchy riffs, bad attitudes and missing teeth. And so, for this deathmatch we have five separate match-ups, garage rock vs. pub rock for the crown of White Boy Blues champion.

The Boss

[Editor's note: Deathmatch pairs two artists who have something in common, and determines who is better. It's a concept we sort-of ripped off from MTV, except that instead of claymation it's the printed word!]

Rick Ross is a portly MC. Bruce Springsteen is a canonical singer-songwriter who once got a lot of compliments because of his ass. Both are known as The Boss, although with Ross it's more fun to spell it The Bawse. He recently rolled through town, while Springsteen is performing here in April. It begs the pregunta: Who's better, The Bawse or The Boss?

Deepness Of Voice
Springsteen has manly, gutteral singing chops that once epitomized American masculinity. Ross's voice sends eight-year-old Chilean boys into puberty against their will.
Point: The Bawse

They can both throw out runners at second from this position

[Editor's note: Deathmatch pairs two artists who have something in common, and determines who is better. It's a concept we sort-of ripped off from MTV, except that instead of claymation it's the printed word!]

Lil' Kim is a rapper who was mentored (and maybe some other things) by Notorious B.I.G. Nicki Minaj is rapper who was mentored (and maybe some other things) by Lil Wayne. Lil' Kim is the first female MC to educate notoriously squeamish male rappers about the joys of cunnilingus and Nicki Minaj continues to champion the cause. Both call themselves Barbies, like to diss the other, and rap about hardcore sex acts. So, who's the baddest bitch? (Hint: not Trina.)

Sex appeal
Nicki Minaj drives both men and women crazy. At first she flirted with lesbianism, giving women hope and men masturbation material. Then, she said she abstains completely, which also works because everybody loves a challenge. Still, raise your hand if you had the Lil' Kim Hardcore album cover poster on your wall.
Point: Lil' Kim

A singer's voice impacts a band's sound so much that a replacement basically creates a new group. Black Sabbath, who single-handedly charted a course for dark and evil metal, replaced Dark Prince Ozzy Osbourne with Elven Wizard Ronnie James Dio. Ozzy reigns supreme among many Sabbath fans, but the late great Dio has his admirers. Let's stack the two up against one another using the DeathmatchTron 6000.

Overall Catalog
Most Ozzy-era Black Sabbath is unfuckwitable. Black Sabbath might be the first true heavy metal record. Paranoid and Master of Reality offer up dirty, doomy, dirgy riffs that peel paint. However, the outfit also gave us Technical Ecstasy and Never Say Die. The less said about those, the better. And, let's face it, Ozzy can't really sing. He just follows the riff.

See also:
*The Talking Heads Were Way More Innovative Than The Ramones
*Stravinsky vs. Schoenberg: Who Was More Gangsta?

The alt-rock explosion of the '80s and '90s gave us titans like R.E.M. as well as also-rans, like Soul Asylum. Although the world has stuck with Michael Stipe through his many years of weirdness, folks more or less forgot about Dave Pirner around the time he and Winona Ryder split. But that doesn't mean one's outfit is better than the other's. Below, then, through an arbitrary-seeming-but-actually-deadly-accurate set of criteria, we shall determine who is superior.

In the left corner--Igor Stravinsky! In the right--Arnold Schoenberg! Geeeet rrrrrready to ruuuuuuumblllllle!

Towering classical music geniuses Igor Stravinsky and Arnold Schoenberg were pitted against each other as the two great rivals of the 20th century. But who was really better? The dour Austrian professor who emancipated dissonance (Schoenberg), or the tiny Russian conductor who lifted other composers' musical styles like a kleptomaniac (Stravinsky)? Let's compare them point by point.

Talking Heads

The statement "Talking Heads are a better band than the Ramones" will draw some incredulous looks. The guy in the leather jacket halfway down the bar may tighten his hand around his beer bottle, as if he would like nothing more than to shatter it over your head. "The geeky guy in the too-big suits?" people will ask. "He's better than The fucking Ramones?"

Yeah, the geeky guy in the ill-fitting suits who dances like he's got a centipede in his pants, otherwise known as musical genius David Byrne. He's music's biggest risk taker since Bowie. Byrne's dynamic personal vision and willingness to experiment with sound are what separates his group from the Ramones, who maintained a straightforward punk-pop ethos throughout their catalogue.