​Metal isn't supposed to be cheerful. Metal is supposed to be brootal. As a general rule, if it's not Van Halen's "Jump," it should not involve synthesizers. If lyrics don't tend toward evil, they should at least be depressing. Major keys should be used sparingly, at most. Vocal harmonies? Proceed with caution.

Power metal breaks all of these rules. In fact, the one rule of power metal seems to be "don't be metal." Be as un-metal as possible. Smile as your fingers fly across the frets while your vocals soar to the heavens. Fans, wear medieval costumes and spar with swords before the show. Lock arms with your brethren and unite in a Biergarten anthem at an open-air festival somewhere in Europe. In short, be happy.

DragonForce, the London sextet that's been around since 1999, waves high the banner of power metal. But they take "epic" to a whole new level. On the metal scale of 1 to 11, they're more Tufnel than Tufnel himself.

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Don't hate

​See also: Toby Keith's "Red Solo Cup": Why This Song Sucks

Asking people what kind of music they like can be a loaded question. People want to seem open-minded, yet cool, which for some reason tends to inspire this insipid response: "I like pretty much everything. Except country."

(The hipster variation on this, of course, is to claim that you actually do like country, that is, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, and Patsy Cline, ie anything other than what actual modern country fans actually listen to.)

I call bullshit. Country music is awesome, and those who write it off are allowing blue state elitism to get the last laugh. If you've never given it a chance -- a serious chance -- you're missing out on a soundtrack to the rowdiest good times and greatest heartbreaks of your life.

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Yes!

​[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

We've all been there. What normally would be a forgettable moment of your existence -- standing in line at the supermarket, removing your CVS coupons from your wallet, getting your hair cut -- suddenly becomes a blessed moment of exhilaration. We hear that familiar a-cappella, "ba da-dah bah-dup ba-dah ba-dah," and suddenly we are transported to the mystical, magical world of Seal's "Kiss From a Rose."

Is there anything better? Survey says no. But that doesn't mean the track doesn't have its haters.

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She's just being Miley.

​Miley Cyrus' Hannah Montana is one of the easier Disney shows for adults to sit through. Her voice and wide eyes aren't totally unlike a young Lucille Ball. Still, that might not be enough to make an adult investigate her music.

But her surprisingly not-overplayed catalogue contains some of the best and most surprising pop of the last decade. It's unpretentious, well-sung and startlingly tasteful. She's not self-righteous, and she's usually not trying to seduce the listener like so many other nymphets. Oh, and her political views are startlingly cogent; she hated Rick Santorum before he almost won Iowa (see below). We love thee, Miley Cyrus; let us count the ways.

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​[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

See also:
*Top Five '80s Metallica Songs That Deserved Kick Ass Music Videos
*Exclusive: Metallica's Lars Ulrich On Surviving the Big 4 and the Roots of Thrash

No one could believe Lou Reed and Metallica were making an album together, and when Lulu dropped two months ago critics gleefully crapped all over it. Pitchfork called lead single "The View" "repellent" and referenced "Reed's crotchety, atonal poem-rants." The AV Club called the work "transcendentally bad," noting "Reed's love of perversity and Metallica's love of shooting itself in the foot." Perhaps the best snippet of snark came from Entertainment Weekly, who described Lulu as "your dad's drunk friend reciting his self-penned erotica over a melting ReLoad cassette." As if that were a bad thing.

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Winds Of Plague

​[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

Everyone has that one friend with whom intelligent conversation is a strain. You'll never share your deepest feelings with them. Most of your time spent together will comprise of burning things, getting in fights, and lifting weights. But damn if they aren't fun to hang out with anyway. This friend has a likable energy that never flags; an energy that is infectious. When it comes to heavy metal, that friend's name is Winds of Plague.

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​[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

Christmastime is brutal. Hearing stories about sacrificial babies. Making nice to family who ask why you wear so much black. Watching Jimmy Stewart contemplate suicide. That shit is hard core.

Most folks turn to carols to get them through this cold, dark time. Me, I turn to Savatage, the '80s-era metal band who got killed by Christmas. Well, Christmas didn't exactly kill them, but it did something worse: it turned them into the greedy, two-headed monster known as the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

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​[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

Lisa D'Amato won the America's Next Top Model all-star competition last week. Not bad! But we knew her back when she was busting out rhymes in L.A. clubs. Don't even think about calling her a lightweight: Girl's got jams for days.

D'Amato had already been seen on America's Next Top Model -- the fifth cycle -- when she started making sassy electro rap. Back then even we thought she was kind of obnoxious on the show, but her musical moxie won us over.

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They're probably listening to fratstep

​​See also:
*Porter Robinson: The Libertarian Dubstep Guy
*Wait, Now Korn Invented Dubstep?!

[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

Hear me out, James Blake. I like you, man, I really do. That minimalist, indie dubstep you're bringing over from England is first-rate, and that bass on "Limit to Your Love" is rad. But this fall you were in serious violation of the bro code when you spoke out against American dubstep in the Boston Pheonix. To refresh your memory:

"I think the dubstep that has come over to the US, and certain producers have definitely hit upon a sort of frat-boy market where there's this macho-ism being reflected in the sounds. It's a million miles away from the ethos of it. It's been influenced so much by electro and rave, into who can make the dirtiest, filthiest bass sound, almost like a pissing competition."

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​[Editor's Note: Fuck Guilty Pleasures celebrates the over-produced, commercial, artless, lowbrow music that we believe is genuinely worthwhile. Like, among the best music ever.]

Today marks the re-release of the Rolling Stones' 1978 album Some Girls, which has been remastered and expanded. Though it was a commercial success, having gone platinum six times, it was also considered something of a joke at the time. There were the lyrics, of course, but the main thing is that it was considered their "disco album."

Indeed, this was right at disco's peak, and at the height of its backlash, when riled-up rockers wore "disco sucks" tees and rock radio stations often organized burnings of Bees Gees and Village People vinyl. The genre blending might have seemed arty and cool in New York and Paris where it was recorded, but in middle America...not so much. "Miss You" saw multiple club versions and an extended 12" re-mix they even called their "Special Disco Version." It was a blatant attempt at infiltrating the dance floor, along the lines of Rod Stewart's "Do You Think I'm Sexy" and KISS's "I Was Made For Loving You."

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