Mike Mezeul

Lil Wayne has just released his tenth studio album, I Am Not a Human Being II. Nowadays he sometimes feels like an old man playing catch-up in a style he practically invented. Whereas as recently as 2007 we were getting vivid gems like "I'm so motherfuckin' high, I could eat a star," now we're just getting whatever lazy nonsense wanders into his addled brain (like, "'Cause when it Waynes it pours").

See also: Top 60 Worst Lil Wayne Lines on Tha Carter IV

Metaphors and similes have always been a valuable tool for anyone writing poetry, rappers included. But Wayne's style allowed for looser association, and as he's steadily run out of things to say, that's where you can see the deterioration of his creativity most obviously. Here, then, are all 80 similes from the new album, only five of which come from guest artists. Hashtag similes don't count. Let's do this.

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Moby will hang out with anyone. It's practically written in the Constitution. Short only perhaps, of Bill Murray, everyone has their "hanging out with Moby" story: "Oh, my sister's college roommate's best friend's cousin made out with Moby last year" or "My neighbor sent him an email once and he just came by and hung out with him later that day."

But one woman can't seem to get Moby to hang out with her. And she really, really, likes him. So much so that she created a whole Tumblr about it. It's sort of like that guy who wanted to go on a date with Drew Barrymore, except much, much lamer. It's called The Moby Project.

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Photo courtesy of Stephanie Arakel

Stephanie Arakel shook her thang on stage with LMFAO for the better part of the year in 2009, just as they were blowing up. Only 21 years old, she quit her job, strapped on a polka dot bikini, and traveled all over the country with them. You can see her downing drinks in the "Shots" music video, below.

But despite becoming a fan favorite, by the end of the year, she was fired in an email. Her great offense? Being "big boned," she says. (Representatives from the duo's management and record label did not respond to requests for comment.)

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Even if you love this country -- and boy do we love this country! -- there are times it makes you question your long-term commitment.

When some crazy asshole shot Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and took out five of her constituents at a Safeway in Tucson, we wondered what had become of the country we loved. When the police beat the snot out of a homeless man in Fullerton, we shook our heads in horror. And when LMFAO began topping the charts, well, we really started to wonder what we were doing here.

But there's nothing that makes us weigh renouncing our American citizenship quite so quickly as a badly botched National Anthem. Here are the five most cringe-inducing.

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