Death Cab For Cutie

Top 20 Worst Bands
Top 20 Musicians of All Time, in Any Genre
Top 20 Sexiest Female Musicians
World's Douchiest DJs: The Top Five

Who are these hipsters we see each day in the streets, on our Tumblr feeds, and on the local news? And why are so many in bands? It's not the mere existence of hipster groups that distresses us -- some of our best friends are hipsters, after all -- it's their lemming-like tendency to, if you'll pardon a mixed metaphor, ape each other.

On its surface hipsterdom seems to be an individuality-grab, but most of today's 20 and 30-something bands from Silver Lake and Williamsburg sound shockingly similar. They're all playing variations of retro garage and soul music -- or bringing glockenspiels and choirs on incestuous nationwide tours -- all the while clad in vintage garb likely infested with lice. We're not saying that they should be outlawed by, like, Congress or something. Just that they should be avoided. Here then, is our field guide to the worst offenders. -Ben Westhoff

White Rabbits

10. White Rabbits
Why do bands need a second drummer? In recent years everyone from Local Natives to Bon Iver to fucking Radiohead has thrown a second kit out there, or at least a floor tom or two. If you think all that extra bashing make bands' music more interesting, then you must love Brooklyn's White Rabbits, because they've sometimes employed three drummers! Unfortunately, they end up proving that when you write forgettable, buttoned-down indie rock, no amount of percussion can save you from sounding like a second-rate Spoon. -Andy Hermann

The Decemberists

Who are these hipsters we see each day in the streets, on our Tumblr feeds, and on the local news? And why are so many in bands? It's not the mere existence of hipster groups that distresses us -- some of our best friends are hipsters, after all -- it's their lemming-like tendency to, if you'll pardon a mixed metaphor, ape each other.

On its surface hipsterdom seems to be an individuality-grab, but most of today's 20 and 30-something bands from Silver Lake and Williamsburg sound shockingly similar. They're all playing variations of retro garage and soul music -- or bringing glockenspiels and choirs on incestuous nationwide tours -- all the while clad in vintage garb likely infested with lice. Below, then, are the 20 worst offenders. -Ben Westhoff

Megadeth

A few months back Rolling Stone put out their updated 500 Greatest Albums of All Time list. (Here's a quickly-scannable version; Sgt. Pepper's is number one, Pet Sounds number two, blah blah blah.) It's largely hogwash; one expected it to be heavy on the dinosaur rock, but c'mon, five Elton John albums? Still, people are taking this thing pretty seriously, as they always do with these Rolling Stone lists, particularly music newbies. (Hard copies remain on sale in grocery check-out lines.)

So it's fair to call this the canon, though the omissions are numerous and tragic, and reflect serious biases when it comes to metal, hip-hop, indie rock and other genres that weren't around when Jann Wenner first smoked grass or whatever. And so, here are the top 20 albums missing from Rolling Stone's canon.

Fugazi

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time
*Top 20 Musicians of All Time, in Any Genre
*Top 20 Sexiest Female Musicians of All Time
*Top 20 Sexiest Male Musicians of All Time

10. Built To Spill
Perfect From Now On (1997)
Not really grunge but not springy enough to be pop, Built to Spill's Perfect From Now On is that rare, practically non-existent indie rock epic, practically a concept album in its brooding, temperamental contemplation of the cosmos. Lyrically it vacillates between the abstract and the concrete, throwing out images that stick more often than not. ("By the time you read this/ You kicked it in the sun.") The guitars, meanwhile, sound like they'd like to tell you everything's going to be all right, really, if only they believed that to be the case. -Ben Westhoff

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time
*Top 20 Musicians of All Time, in Any Genre
*Top 20 Sexiest Female Musicians of All Time
*Top 20 Sexiest Male Musicians of All Time

A few months back Rolling Stone put out their updated 500 Greatest Albums of All Time list. (Here's a quickly-scannable version; Sgt. Pepper's is number one, Pet Sounds number two, blah blah blah.) It's largely hogwash; one expected it to be heavy on the dinosaur rock, but c'mon, five Elton John albums? Still, people are taking this thing pretty seriously, as they always do these Rolling Stone lists, particularly music newbies. (Hard copies remain on-sale in grocery check-out lines.)

So it's fair to call this the canon, though the omissions are numerous and tragic, and reflect serious biases when it comes to metal, hip-hop, indie rock and other genres that weren't around when Jann Wenner smoked grass for the first time or whatever. And so over the next two days we'll count down the top 20 albums left out, starting today with 20 through 11.

Katy Baugh

Considering that most all of today's popular music -- be it rock, pop, dance or rap -- sprang from genres pioneered by black musicians, being all Caucasian about your songs is to literally betray your roots. To qualify as one of our whitest musicians, then, requires more than a pasty complexion, it requires a near-total disregard for jazz, blues and soul or, even worse, a complete whitewashing of them. Without further ado, then, here are 20 performers who put the you-know-what in honky-tonk. -Ben Westhoff

Samantha Fox

What we talk about when we talk about sex and rock 'n roll is often dudes, the lusty front men and axe-grinders who, perhaps, joined the band in the first place for the purpose of scoring.

But sexy women now dominate pop music, and the same mojo that's stuffed Mick Jagger's dressing room for time immemorial draws would-be groupies to female icons in the same way.

It just shows that being sexy is about more than looks. Nothing's hotter than a woman who can rock a mic, and we mean nothing; these musicians may have once been on our walls, but they live on in our fantasies. -Ben Westhoff

20. Samantha Fox
A pop star and model with some edge, Samantha Fox posed topless at age 16 for a newspaper in her native London. She sold boatloads of records, but the boys of my generation knew her mainly from her risque posters for sale at the back of hair metal magazines. Though these adverts were tiny, and a thin black line blocked out the good parts, I'm certain any of us would have married her. -Ben Westhoff

Physical appearance actually has little to do with sexiness. Sure, we've all been known to stare at a shirtless dude, but to give us whiplash he needs to arouse our minds. Whether it's a sidelong glance, the hint of a smile, a swagger that piques our curiosity or just the way he flicks his cigarette, these musicians make us sweat for more than just their looks. Is he sensitive and intelligent? Doesn't give a fuck? Or does he just play really loooooonnng shows? Obviously, a mysterious man whose eyes smolder with untold pain is like a magnet. Oh, and hip-swiveling ability doesn't hurt, either. -Rebecca Haithcoat

What makes a terrible band? Is it being prepared to do the wrong thing, whatever the price? That and a pair of testicles. Only, some of the below groups possess testicles only in the symbolic sense. Because, even if you're composed of ladies, it takes balls to make music that is simultaneously pretentious and dopey, derivative and uniquely craptastic. And so in that spirit we present the worst bands of all time. As with our top 20 greatest musicians of all time and top 20 hair metal albums of all time lists, we take this shit very seriously, even enlisting objective third party analysts to review our findings for accuracy. -Ben Westhoff