Inauguration Day Extravaganza: The First Hip-Hop President?
Image via Hip Hop is Read
Unless you've been living in the Madagascan Rain Forest or are a cave-dwelling ignicolist in Outer Mongolia, you're well aware that today marks the inauguration of Barack Obama. To the delight of the rap world and the chagrin of the social security set, Obama has been billed as the first hip-hop president. With an iPod that includes Jay-Z, Kanye and Ludacris, Obama's light years ahead of his benighted Oval Office predecessors; yet judging from his pragmatic cabinet, it's unlikely that the White House will be a bastion of boom-bap--unless Eric Holder's holding out on us.
In honor of this historic day, it's time to examine what things would look like had the other Clinton seen his dream come true.
Pros: Has previously bonded with Nicholas Sarkozy over the song, "Big Pimpin." Boasts a close relationship with Rockefeller. If given half a key to flip, may be able to bail out the economy.
Cons: Close ties with elites like Chris Martin and "Angelina Joleezie" may prove anathema to heartland supporters. Popularity ratings never recovered after Kingdom Come. Def Jam gig ended worse than Cheney's.
Secretary of State: Kanye West
Pros: Polled high prior to 808s & Heartbreak. Maintains the ability to cut across racial, cultural, and socio-economic boundaries. His appointment sends a Shinseki-esque rebuke to the parting Bush administration.
Cons: Never graduated college. May cry in the middle of intense diplomatic negotiations. Potentially easily confused and irritated at having to work in a place called Foggy Bottom.
Secretary of the Treasury: Lil Wayne
Cons: Can only count to a milli.
Secretary of Defense: 50 Cent
Cons: 'Roid rage may make him too erratic to conduct proper diplomacy. Will bring Tony Yayo and Lloyd Banks--the Rocksteady and Bebop of rap--along for the ride.
Attorney General: Jim Jones
Cons: Mainstream America still gets him confused with the late, Kool-Aid swilling, cult leader. Freekey!
Secretary of Agriculture: B-Real
Pros: Reputation for green thumb agricultural acumen will endear him to the ever-dwindling population of American farmers.
Cons: May only devote his time and energies to cash crops.
Secretary of Labor: Aesop RockLabor.
Cons: Name recognition confined to liberal arts graduates, dismissive music critics, and blog readers--esentially, the same thing.
Secretary of the Interior: Redman
Cons: More into burning trees than conserving them.
Secretary of Transport: Rick Ross
Cons: Once claimed a close and personal relationship with Manuel Noriega. Luckily for the vetting process, no one believes him.
Secretary of Education: Lil BoosieArne Duncan.
Secretary of Veteran Affairs: Nas
Pros: No one has shown more concern for washed up vets than Nasir, as evidenced by his "Where Are They Now," 80s and 90s remixes.
Cons: Has a one hot benefits package every ten year average.
Secretary of Homeland Security: M.O.P.
Cons: Are probably cons. People may think M.O.P. stands for mop and shit.
Secretary of Energy: Busta Rhymes
Cons: Wears more dresses than any government employee since J. Edgar Hoover.
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development:Young Jeezy
Cons: Best motivational rapper since Tony Robbins.
Secretary of Health & Human Services: Dr. Dre
Cons: May have obtained his degree at Compton Upstairs Medical School.